till death do us part. oh yeah, or body fluids.

as if we don't have enough toys these days, apparently david vitalli, a private investigator in new york specializing in cases of infidelity is marketing "...a home testing kit to check partners' clothes and belongings for bodily fluids" online.

that's right, folks. for a mere eighty bucks, you can order your very own dna kit designed for use in catching that lousy, cheating spouse of yours in the act. or perhaps more accurately, after the act.

included in your kit is an ultraviolet light, two vials of testing liquid and some collection papers. one kit allows the user five separate tests. according to the man himself, the tests "...will let you know if it's bodily fluid from a man, a woman, or both mixed together. if they're mixed together and it wasn't from you," he spells out, "you know there's a problem."

[and if you're gay? well, moving on.]

so while i suppose this will be considered progress on some level and for some people (and i decline to state what level and which people), users should be forewarned that their home science project is not going to get them anywhere on the legal front:

"for it to be admissible, it's got to be a court-approved laboratory and you have to show a chain of evidence, like in a criminal case," said one divorce lawyer on dna evidence in divorce cases.

i would imagine that despite this, there could be some fairly interesting court cases on the horizon after a "positive id" of a cheater via use of this kit. some people are pretty relentless. and pretty loaded. with lawyers who are also relentless. and also loaded. and then there's the private investigator factor to take care of the "chain of evidence" part [or is there a do-it-yourself kit for that, too? i must have missed it on amazon; there's probably a "better together" deal by now...]

i could pontificate on almost anything. i could pontificate on this one a lot. but i think sometimes you have to let things speak for themselves. you know, minimalism is more powerful, all that...

i will, however, say that my favorite part of the united press international article i read on the issue was its last line, which read:

"...couples counselors point out that if someone is contemplating using such a test, the relationship already may be doomed."


you think?